14 October 2007


Well, here I sit listening to my new Matchbox 20 CD and reminiscing about life in general. All of my life I can honestly say I have related songs to each phase of my life. I am taken back to another place entirely when I hear songs from my past that made me who I was back then. I used to submerse myself in music to forget about what was going on around me and make believe I was somone else! I could just put my earphones on and forget the world entirely and who I was in it!

The songs on this CD are bittersweet! I love the music, but it brings back memories of a time I don't wish to recall. A time of late night parties and people coming in and out of the house who I didn't know who they were half the time. Being a child and seeing the things and going through the things I went through are hard to think about and I don't do so often.

Well anyways,

I went to see my Grandfather tonight and it pains me so much to see him. It is almost as though I am seeing him deteriate right in front of me. A man who used to look so strong and healthy and able is now looking so pale and feeble. He was diagnosed with testicular cancer about 6 months ago and is having a really rough time with it. It is a very fast growing cancer and the only treatment available for it is Chemotherapy. He had a cat scan last week and we are currently awaiting the results on that so we know how the progress is going. I just love him so much I don't know how to react when i am with him. I ask him how he is, but I wish I could just pretend like nothing is happening, and everything is alright. he gave me a lamp tonight that used to be my mothers when she was a child, and I just kept thinking that he knows his time may be limited and is trying to get rid of some things. I hate that! He is a great man and I will pray for him daily until he is better!

I guess that is just something I had to get off my chest there.........:) But, other than that all is great! I got a new job, and I will be starting there in another week. EXCITED as ever to start something new and to get a new chapter going!

Alright, later, I'm having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight.......:)